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‘Little Miss Too Nice’

This blog post is very personal to me cause it is dedicated to all those people who let me down. This will be the first and last time I’m going to talk about it. I just want to express and let go all the pain I’m feeling right now.

I bet all of us know what betrayal feels like but I never expected it will come from those people who are really dear to me, who I knew for so long, who I trusted so much. I can accept everything if it comes from people who hated me rather than for those people who I treated like siblings. I was speechless.

My problem is I always care, I always do. Even for those people who don’t deserve it. If my friends need me, I’ll be there in a heartbeat cause I know what it feels like to have no one. If you need a listener, I’ll be there to listen and comfort you cause I know what it feels like to have no one to talk to. When I love, whether it be relationship or friendship I tend to give myself too much to the point, I was being taken for granted. I put too much trust on people even higher than Mount Everest cause I never had a single doubt about the friendship we had. But surprise! I know now that just because you treat them well with all your honesty and soul it doesn’t mean they will also do the same for you. Life is unfair. Why do I always need to learn things the hard way?

You can never really trust people these days. Even the people you thought will be there for you until the end will drop you down. I swear. So from now on, I’ll do what’s best for me. I will let go all the people who taken me for granted and never really appreciate me. The show is end, my dear ‘friends’. I don’t deserve all of these bullshits cause all I ever gave was only love and genuine friendship. My hands are already full with so many things going on with my life right now. I don’t want to waste another time for fake people.

So lesson learned, at the end of the day all you’ve got is yourself and your faith. Don’t put too much trust on people. Learn to be silent and be your own hero. I can’t kill all of you literally but I will treat all of you like a dead person. I will just completely ignore you like you never existed in my life. You won’t hear a thing from me starting today. You all made me look so stupid. I just can’t believe what you did to me cause you’re the least people I thought who will ever betrayed me.

I know now who are really true to my face. I really appreciate those people who says the truth no matter how hard it is than to comfort me with lies. Thank you for saving me from the people I thought who cares for me. Truth hurts but I’ll always choose pain and honesty than faking it. So fuck fake friend, fuck fake love. For one last time, TANGINA NIYONG LAHAT.

P.S I’m so sorry for the cursed words. I just badly needed an outlet to vent all my emotions but I’m fine now.

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personal

Being at 20-ish

‘we’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical oh yeah..I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22. Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you.’ 22- Taylor Swift

This is the phase where you are almost legal in everything that the world has to offer. Loans, credit cards, alcohol, driver’s license, bars, casinos etc. name it! Yep, we’re ‘that’ legal now. We don’t have to make fake ID’s anymore in order to enter a bar or buy cheap spirits. Sounds fun, right? But also overwhelming, cause from now it means we’re ‘adults’ and we have to be responsible for ourselves. (omg! Hi Mom, please read my blog. I don’t want to be an adult anymore, help! sending SOS loljk)

Nobody said it will be these confusing cause the decisions I’m going to make today will either make or break me in the future. For the past few months, I was a ‘damsel-in-distress’ trying to figure out what the hell am I gonna do with my life? I’m also wondering how come some of my batchmates are already married with kids while the others are still busy getting wasted every weekends? I belong to the latter, okay. We’re still kids who are so confused and lost trying to act like an ‘adult’.

They say 20’s are your selfish years to build, learn and explore. Being in the foreign land, makes it much harder for me to know what am I supposed to do cause I don’t have any idea what’s going on. It took me a year to realized what I want to do with my life. For the first time, I am so sure with my decisions. I finally found my reason to stay. Congratulate me, guys!

I know the journey would not be easy. It might be tough and hard but I want to pursue it. I finally understand the feeling of waking up each morning with goals and dreams to achieve. I’m not living my life like a ‘jellyfish’ anymore. This time I’m taking control with my life. I might be too ambitious but the hell this is what I want and I’m going to make it happen no matter what it takes. So young folks, ‘chase dreams, not people’ cause there’s more to life than love.

We’re still new in these whole adulting phase, so don’t be so hard in yourself if you’re still feeling lost. You might be drained, confused, lost, and stuck but I tell you, it’s completely okay cause it’s all part of the process to grow and learn. As the saying goes ‘if you’re struggling, it means you’re progressing.’ So don’t give up yet, we’re just starting. Don’t forget that we can always rewired, rebuild and restart our life cause we’re still young we’ve got time.

xoxo

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personal

Culture: Valentine’s Day in Japan

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! As the day begins, I online as usual and my timeline was flooded with faces of couples expressing their love and gratitude for each other. Some seems so in love but of course, some are bitter cause this is the time of the year where life slapped into your face how single you are.

Let me tell you about my culture firsts, Valentine’s Day back home is all about the spirit of it. I remember back in college, it’s so normal to see ladies around the university carrying stuffed toys, flowers and chocolates while holding hands with their boyfriends. The main gate in front of school are flooded with flower vendors. But not just in school, everywhere you can see couples celebrating it in the streets, public transportation, malls, restaurants, parks and even on social media. Too bad if you’re brokenhearted, I must say just stay at home if you don’t want to see an eye sore. Filipinos are sweet, warm and romantic so it’s quite expected that Valentine’s Day is big deal and well celebrated.

The Japanese culture when it comes to Valentines is the exact opposite of my culture. I was shocked when I learned that the women here are the one who gives chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Okay, culture shock alert! Since, coming to Japan I learned to be more open-minded but there are things that still surprised me. In the Philippines, if a woman do these ‘giving chocolates on Valentine’s Day to the man’ she will be labeled as ‘easy-to-get, desperate, walang delikadesa, bitch, slut and cheap’ because we’re so used to the norm that it’s always the man who will take actions, do the pursuing and not the other way around. This culture is well-embedded in me. So, the first thing comes into my mind was: “BUT, WHY?!”

I had the chance to ask my Japanese co-worker about it cause I was really curious. She told me that they do it because this is the chance for a woman to do the ‘Kokuhaku’ or in English, confessing your feelings to the one you love or like. I was even more blown away with her answers cause again why is it the woman who will do the confession?! It’s a man responsibility and duty in my own culture. I asked her if they aren’t shy to do it. She said yes, they are also shy about it because what if the man reject her feelings or turn away but they still do it for their feelings to be known.

My conclusion about it is women here are so brave and the Japanese men are living the dream! Imagine, Japanese men won’t have a tough time pursuing a woman cause woman can also do it and it’s well accepted. Women can do the first move without judgments from the society. Japan is also a conservative country but when it comes to dating culture and the like, they are more open and equal compared to my culture where it’s always the man. So, men in the next life pray to God for you to be born as Japanese. HAHAHA lol

xoxo

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5 Surprising things about Japan

Hello everyone! My blog today might be late reaction cause if you’re my frequent reader you already know this 2017 will be my 2nd year here in Japan. I think I should wrote this a little earlier but I’m not emotionally stable last year cause that was my adjusting phase and I don’t want to sound so dramatic.

But let that sink in first..second year? for real?! OMG! Time flies real fast. Two years away from home. Two years of love-hate relationship with Japan. Two years of being (feeling) brave. Two years of knowing myself. Two years of struggling how to survive. Two years of finding a reason to stay. But no regrets, cause as the saying goes ‘life starts at the end of your comfort zone.’

So here are the list of things that truly surprised me when I stay here for a year:

Disclaimer: what you about to read are solely based on my own experiences and opinions. It doesn’t speaks for everyone else. Happy reading! ^^

5. Karaoke Pubs

Karaoke back in the Philippines is actually pretty unique where the whole street is your stage and the entire neighborhood is your audience. But Japan karaoke pubs are way too fancy! Each rooms are designed differently, some even have stages where you can let that inner Rihanna come out or just sing at the top of your lungs. The mics are rechargeable, tablets to select your song not remote. Hungry? No problem. They have menu for snacks and even drink bars. So, if you plan to go to Japan, karaoke hub is a must experience! Go for it!

4. Public Transportation

I was really surprised how Japan’s public transportation are really well-coordinated. The bus and train schedule are really followed. If it says 10:00am, it will really arrived at 10:00am! That feels like a magic for me cause I’m used to inconvenience back home. The seats are comfortable, adjustable seats for PWD and when you pay for bus fare they also use machine. Commuting here is nothing but convenience, no traffic jams and rude drivers.

3. Technology

Japan=high-technology. This is really true that most of the time I look like an idiot trying to figure out how to use certain stuff cause it’s too high-tech for me. I have a real good example here. I just got my driver’s license back then, my friend and I went to restaurant and I have to park my car at Pay Parking System where there’s a lock beneath your car. For 10 minutes I’m idle cause I have no idea how Pay Parking System works that I had to Youtube it! HAHAHA yes, I did it and for paying imagine a machine that all written in kanji’s. Imagine me, trying to google translate every button there cause I can’t read it. My gosh! struggle is for real. But yes to end the story, I made it with the help of Youtube and google translate. lol

2. Toilets

Public and mall toilets here looked like a celebrity bathroom. I swear! heated-seats, automatic flush and trash bins, powder room and even the designs are too glamorous. I also had a good laugh about toilets here. My mom is already living here in Japan for almost 20 years now, we were at the mall’s toilet. She’s calling me and asking me where is the toilet’s flush?! I find it really funny! She can’t find it cause each stalls are really well-equipped.

1.Suicide Rates

I don’t watch news here but I read it through articles online. I grew up in the Philippines and maybe my religion really plays a big role why I’m too surprised about it. For Catholics like me, suicide is a great sin to God cause we believe that only Him can take away our lives.

I know this is Japan, we have different culture and perspectives towards life. I know I’m not in their shoe to give opinions about it. I just can’t help but to wonder how can someone easily take away their lives like that and give up. Go to Philippines, see how Filipinos struggle everyday to bring food to the table, how students crossed dangerous bridges, roads and even swimming to river just to make it to school, how youths are not even studying instead doing dangerous works for a very low pay cause of poverty. I, myself have my own battles inside me but yet, we don’t give up on life just like that.

I hope Japanese can realize how lucky and comfortable their lives are. They can even receive support from their government. Everything in these country is made for the convenience of their citizens. If they only take a look and appreciate all the little things about their country, it will be a different story.

xoxo

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5 Things I learned While Living In Japan

The bravest thing I ever did in my entire life is leaving my comfort zone, my homeland and moved to Japan. As a 21-year-old woman, fresh graduate from college I knew nothing back then. I don’t have any idea how or where to begin my life abroad. I don’t even know why I decided to live here or what am I doing here. I put myself in a situation I thought was easy,  as crazy it may sounds but this is the truth. So here’s a list of the learning  I had while I’m on my adventure:

  1. Life is not all about ‘rainbows’ and ‘beers’

I realized that life can be tough because back then, I have friends to accompany me always drinking all night and having the best time of my life, a family to shelter when everything seems so bad and grandmother’s dishes to comfort me when I am so exhausted from school. I live a very comfortable life. But since moving here, my world just turned upside down.

2.  I learned to trust myself

I became honest to myself and with my feelings. I know now who and what I want in my life, where I will stand to someone and until when I should give. I found out that I am a strong woman, because here in abroad I don’t have anybody but myself. So I don’t have any choice but to be firm with my decisions and wish the best luck.

3. I learned to be a domesticated woman

Before I don’t know how to do laundry, budget my money and how to cook. Since, I am now an ‘adult’ living in a strange land. I learned all of this from scratch. Google and YouTube is my hero when I want to cook something for myself because my favorite dishes are not available in town. Now, I still suck at this but I am improving. Hey, I am trying. Okay.

4. Chase your dreams

I am just a kid, trying to figure out what to do with life. After a year staying abroad, I realized that there is no such thing as being ‘ready’. Before, I always make excuses and say there is always a next time. But here, the world is so fast. I have to get things done right away or else I can’t keep up. That’s why I do things with my heart beating so fast, hands so cold and stomach cringing. The result, I did it! I made it. Trust yourself, believe that you will survive anything. Just keep going.

5. Comfortable being alone

The longest commitment you will ever have is with yourself. So why not, discover and really know who you are? As woman in her early 20’s, I think this is important. I made a lot of mistakes before when it comes to relationship. I don’t know who I am, what I want and where I want to be because I always seek for others. I let other people define me, to make decisions for me. Now that I understand life ‘somehow’, I can figure out whether I am choosing a person based on loneliness or because I am really into him. Thanks to Japan, I am better version of me now.

Definitely, that one-way ticket I bought last year really rock my world. I came here with no plans at all. I didn’t think about it. I just packed my bags, bought a ticket and leave. I am not sure if I am being innocent or stupid there. I think it was only me, leaving a country with no plans at all. But I tell you, it was all worth it. That was the best decision I made in my entire life. So if you ever had a chance to leave your comfort zone, do it. Don’t overthink. Just do it. Believe me you will survive.

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