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Friends

Let me ask you, how many friends you gained and lost during this lifetime?

This is my story. My cousins and I grew up together, we did everything together. Childhood was awesome and will always be my favorite memory. We shared dreams as if the world will just simply hand it to us. We were so naive until we became adults.

We went into our separate ways, had different set of friends, became busy finishing school and chasing our own life. One got married early, one just simply disappeared to avoid the gossips in our neighborhood because she went into a relationship with a married man, one is going through a divorce, one is blessed with harmonious family and there is me became busy chasing after my goals.

Indeed, each of our life is colorful. You know what the funny thing is, the love we have for each other is still there. We knew what happened to each other but the lost ones, we accepted them without judgements. We do life together. We are each other’s home that no matter what life throws at we know exactly in our hearts that there will always be people who will accept, love and help you to get back into your feet.

I guess that is love. When you love someone, no if’s, no but’s, no past mistakes will tarnish what you have for them. This is so cliche and cheesy but I found my treasures in life. Friends and cousins in one. I am more brave and confident to go through life because of these people.

A lost and gained friendships through this lifetime but one constant will always be my cousins.

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What’s your break up story?

0:32 Thursday

I feel like this is the saddest break up story.

When you both tried so hard.

Love each other so hard.

And in the end, still all of that doesn’t matter.

For one simple reason, you are not made for each other. Sometimes, truth can be brutal when it wants to show you what you already know and reality can be funny when it presents you situation where it slaps you that you’re not the woman he needs. We both know we tried. But together, we’re storm and thunders.

And back to my own reality, where to start? I am so lost.

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Hi, I’m Hana.

And I’m trying to live my authentic life by knowing who truly am I and finding my purpose.

When we were born our beliefs, morals, traditions, perception of what is wrong and right were greatly influenced by people surrounding us and environment we grew up in. As a baby who can’t think for themselves we are already consumed by the teachings that passed down to us from generations to generations. And if you’re like me who labeled themselves as different among the family. Breaking chains, trying to take a different path will not be so easy.

As an adult, we can now decide and think for our own good because we have now our freewill. There are moments that I am still questioning, if the choices I made before and the beliefs I believed into is because that is what I truly believed and wanted to or is it just because it is heavily influenced by the beliefs that were passed down on me?

So with that question replaying in my head, I set myself into the journey of unlearning the things, beliefs and values I learned before and keep what make sense to me. This is one of the most liberating moment for me. I am still trying to figure it out and learning of what I truly wanted. All I know is life is too short not to live our authentic self.

I want to live my life full of ‘I am so glad I did that!’ rather than ‘what ifs’. I want to take all my chances, live every season of life, fully embracing myself in every stages of life. There is so much more to life and it took me a lot of time before I truly understand the meaning of it. May we all find our purpose.

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Osaka, I love you

Hi, I’m back.

2017. 22 years old. first time to live in a city and alone.

I was full of life and adventure when I first move in. Until reality happened, I struggled a lot during my first 3 years, had my ups and downs, felt happiness, sadness and all in-betweens. I almost gave up because I felt like I don’t belong in here. I thought this city is too big for a small town girl like me. I had nothing but my dreams, hope and faith that the universe put me where I am supposed to be.

2021. 26 years old. contented.

I don’t know what changed but one thing I know for sure is that finally, I am embracing the life I have. I was living in my past where I didn’t realized how blessed I am and how I am robbing the people who wants to know me just because I am scared to trust. The only constant thing in our life is change. It’s either we learn how to go with the flow or go against it and drown. I met genuinely people, fell in love with city, move in knowing zero names and probably one day, leaving it knowing hundred names.

My greatest adventures happened here. I was able to laugh, cry and grow. Osaka will always have a place in my heart. Who knew that a small town girl like me will be able to survive this big, loud and fast-paced city? As the saying goes, our fate is already destined even before we were born.

Kobe Port 2021
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Falling in love

Falling in love can be also about places. One thing for sure is that I don’t know where I’m gonna be in the next 5 years. So, I learned how to live my life in the moment.

Over the course of years, I have this love-hate relationship with this country but I’m so grateful for the opportunity to know and experience Japan.

A lot of people thinks Japan is all about cherry blossoms, matcha and sushi. However, it’s more than that…

It can be so deep it makes you feel like your drowning. Life is so raw that sometimes you even forget how to laugh and smile. And at the end of the day, silence can be your only friend.

But at the same time, you appreciate silence when the world is tiring. You love how raw life can be cause you learned how to stand up at your own feet. And lastly, you understand happiness is a proactive choice and you will define it on your own.

It’s like falling in love with a person. Sometimes, we hate their flaws but we accept it because we love them. For the last 5 years, I didn’t realized how attached I become with this country. Now, I know that I will be always torn between two lands. Japan is home. Philippines is home.

Hakone, Japan
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Christmas 2019

It’s my 3rd Christmas by myself but don’t get me wrong because I completely enjoyed it. Because of that I had so many thoughts and realizations that came in, as a person I never get contented. I am always looking for more, working so hard, saving up money so hard because I want so many material things and places I want to go. But then, this pause gave me a realization.

Most of the time I am unstoppable, I forget how blessed I am with everything I have because I wanted more out of this life and world. I always tell myself to work so hard so I can buy that and this. But the truth is, everyone of us on this earth has purpose. God created us with a purpose.

I always dream big but most of the time is for myself but I realized this is not how I want to live my life. I want to find my purpose and leave a legacy when I die. This might sound so deep but I know since I was a kid that I think different from others. So this coming 2020, I will learn how not to be so selfish anymore, learn to dream big that will leave footprint in the community and be sensitive with the needs of others as well.

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It’s okay.

The problem with being the ‘strong, independent woman’ is no one actually asking if you’re okay. Nobody knew what are the battles you’ve been facing on. No one heard you when you’re crying to yourself at night thinking where and what you did wrong.

I’m so tired to be strong all the time and patting myself on the back. I’m so exhausted of facing my day as if nothing happened. I hope someone will actually tell me that..it is okay. It’s okay if you’re not okay and my feelings are valid.

But I know no one will understand..no one. I hope 2020 is better cause 2019 broke me in so many ways.

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Changing habits

I found myself really drained and exhausted because I felt like everything in my life is just a routine. I’m craving for change and getting in touch of who I am because of that I’m becoming more aware of mental health. I read and watch shows on how to understand the way our brains work. I started with small things; keeping a journal of the things I am grateful for at the end of the day, wrote down all my toxic habits and why I need to change it. At first, I want results right away. I told myself I want to change but I don’t know where to start cause I wanted to do all things at once. It made me overwhelmed until I remind myself that I have to do this one step at a time.

After 6 months of doing those activities to improved my mental health and I already got the routine for it. I decided to level it up into working on my physical health. I set my alarm every morning at 7AM with or without work and started working out 10 mins every day. Eat a lot healthier food but this one is still trial and error. I can’t give up any food what I did instead is sub it with healthier options; example instead of having full creme milk I replace it with almond milk.

I saw the results and by this time I can finally say to myself I felt lighter and happier. This habits and lifestyle changed didn’t happened overnight. It is a lot of work and took a lot of motivation and courage to finally start it. So far being a morning person is the best decision I’ve ever made cause it is life changing. I never knew this day will come cause for 24 years of my life I am a night person. I know this is not much but for me this is already a big change. I am learning how to properly take care of myself in all aspects be it mentally and physically. I will continue to rebuild myself and align it in the quality of life I’m trying to create.

xoxo

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All is well.

Being in mid-20’s a lot of my friends are lost, we tend to feel the pressure of the society. Finances, relationships, career and social life being pin down all together with you and I dare you not. I know this is not easy. The decisions we’re making right now can either make us or break us.

I feel guilty because as of the moment I am living my best life. I never felt this free, happy and contented in all aspects of my life. Everything seems going well and hearing their stories makes me want to hug them but I know to myself that they are happy as well with what’s going on with my life right now.

As a friend, I know they don’t need advice because most of the time they just need a listener and that’s my role. I feel blessed and lucky that I can be someone who is mentally healthy and prepared to help a friend. This is the first time I’ve been in this position because for the past few years I am the one who needed helped.

I am glad I didn’t gave up with myself. My friends were there for me in my darkest days and now they are going through storms and I am here just to walk with them. I am at the point of my life where my love for myself is overflowing, soul is joyful and mind is clear that I can share part of me for the people who needs me. Hang in there, Love. Things will get better.

xoxo

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Quarter life crisis is real

Today is one of those days where I keep questioning all the decisions I made and wondering where I’ll be 3 or 5 years from now. A lot of my friends were going through almost the same thing. Some quitting their jobs, planning to move out of the country, getting married, having babies. But as for me, I am craving for unfamiliarity because everything in my life suddenly just fell into it’s places and everything just became a routine.

My early 20’s life was not easy and because of that I felt like I did everything in a rush cause I wanted to be an ‘adult’ as soon as possible. I survived and now mid-20’s I am lacking of purpose and new beginnings. I don’t know what exactly I am looking for but as I do my reality check I know to myself something is still missing. It’s easy to just go with the flow of life specially when everything is falling into it’s places.

It’s okay to be confused and questioning your life cause it means we’re not stagnant. Keep watering your plants, learn a new language perhaps. Shifting season is coming but I hope you guys all have someone to go through with it!

xoxo

 

 

 

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